Freshman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jerry, a college freshman, was sitting in his English class. His teacher noticed that he wasn't paying attention, so asked to see him after class. Jerry went up to the teacher's desk, and waited while the teacher was talking to a attractive freshman girl. When he was done, he said, "Jerry, why weren't you paying attention in my class?" "I was staring at the hot babe you were just talking to," Jerry said.
"But don't get any ideas," Jerry said, "you're way to old for her."
"Oh, really?" the teacher said. "Yeah, you're old enough to be her father!" said Jerry.
"This talk is over!" said the teacher. Jerry starts to walk out when the teacher says, "And by the way, Jerry, next class don't stare at my daughter!"

Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:

Crash Course in Logical Assumptions
Saturday, September 26, 1998, All Day


Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.

Student: "Uh... Sir.. What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh... Yes, I do."

Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "

Professor: "Then I can logically assume more...

41. College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom...and no curfew.
42. It was never this bad when you get sick.
43. Pop a vitamin and breakfast is covered.
44. Learn to love your roommate, especially when he leaves you the room.
45. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression...it's not!
46. You'll learn more about male genetalia than you ever thought necessary, guys talk more about that than women and sex put together.
47. Beware the freshman 15, or in some cases, the freshman cup size.
48. Even though the beds are long, they are also extra narrow.
49. Things that were a huge deal in high school are now commonplace.
50. You never thought you would share so much about yourself with people you have known for such a short time.

Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon. Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon. Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut. Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend. Freshmen: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall. Seniors: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mtn. Dew into a recitation class. Freshmen: Calls the professor "Professor." Seniors: Calls the professor "Bob." Freshmen: Would walk ten miles to get to class. Seniors: Drives to class if it's further than three blocks away. Freshmen: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade. Seniors: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade. Freshmen: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university. Seniors: Knows where the next class is. Maybe... Freshmen: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed. Seniors: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand. Freshmen: Have to ask where the computer more...

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

High School vs. College In high school, you do homework. In college, you study. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.) In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the more...

There was a huge college freshman who decided he would try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Sure, watch this," the freshman replied, as he ran smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow, I'm impressed," the coach said. "Can you run?"
"Of course," said the freshman. He was off like a bolt of lightning and in just over nine seconds, had run a hundred yard dash.
"That's great," said the coach with enthusiasm, "but, can you pass a football?"
Rolling his eyes and hesitating for a moment, the freshman replied, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."