Freshly Jokes

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines,
the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

Farmer Brown is lying on his deathbed barely able to breathe. Just as he is about to expire, the aroma of freshly baked brownies comes to him. He has always had a passion for this confection and thinks to himself,' If I could just have one more brownie I could die in peace!'

He calls to his wife but his voice is so frail she cannot hear him. Not getting an answer, he slides out of the bed and onto the floor. He drags himself across the room and out into the hallway.

Down the hall and down the stairs he goes ever so slowly, crawling hand over hand closer to that heavenly smell. At the bottom of the stairs he pulls himself along painfully -- hand over hand closer to that delicious aroma.

He drags himself across the living room across the dining room and finally up into his chair at the dining table. He reaches across the table and grabs the tray of freshly baked brownies.

As he drags the tray towards himself it makes a scraping noise, and more...

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions. Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always
significant. It's symbolizes authority and prestige. When I pinned on my new Air
Force gold bars and stepped out to face the world, I encountered a staff sergeant. He gave me a snappy salute and said, “Good morning, Lieutenant. Your hat is on backwards, sir.”

For HER

08: 15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

08: 30 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday

08: 45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.

09: 15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil

10: 00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer

10: 30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

12: 00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12: 45 Catch sight of husband's/boyfriend's ex and notice that she has gained 7 kg

13: 00 Shopping with friends. Unlimited credit.

15: 00 Nap

16: 00 3 dozen red roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer

16: 15 Light workout at club followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says that he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

17: 30 Choose outfit from expensive, designer wardrobe. Parade in more...