Plenty Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT. On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) it had never been occupied
    2) that there was plenty of heat
    3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check more...

    one day there was a jamaican guy a italian guy and a spanish guy. They were on a cruise but all of a sudden the boat started to sink so they each through something off. The italian guy threw off a bottle of wine and says we got plenty of that in our country. Next the jamaican guy throws a box of blunts and says we got plenty of that in my country. Then the spanish guy throws off a bag of rice and says i got plenty of that in my country. Lastly the american captain comes out and throws off the spanish guy and says we got plenty of them in my country

    Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

    Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

    Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

    Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

    Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. -

    Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

    Get plenty of rest

    Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

    OR. .. You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.

    Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

    SO. .. I walk to the liquor store (exercise),

    I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate more...

    A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
    The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of whiskey, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.
    The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!! The Texan replied, "In Texas, there`s plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.
    A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of champagne, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.
    The Nevadan couldn`t believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!! The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."
    A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a more...

    During the reign of Shizong (1522-1567) of the Ming Dynasty, there lived in Wuxi two good friends named Wang Fu and Zhang Xiang, respectively. Both of them were men of plenty of guts and believed in neither ghosts nor gods. One summer day found them drinking in the glow of the setting sun on the bank of a rivulet. Said Wang: "Yonder on the opposite bank a man was interred yesterday somewhere in the burial-mounds. Dare you cross over and drag the body out of the coffin? " " I can do that under cover of night," replied Zhang. "If so, " said Wang, " I'll stand you an urn of wine brewed in the twelfth moon. I'm going to get it now and wait for you. " Presently the sun disappeared below the horizon and Zhang crossed over to the opposite bank of the rivulet. There, among the burial-mounds he found to his surprise a coffin with its lid already removed. Full of suspicions, he approached the coffin to take a close look when all of a sudden a pair of arms more...

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