Freeze Jokes

The proposed freeze would cut spending by less than 1 percent. That's like Kirstie Alley dieting by cutting out sprinkles on her hot fudge sundae.

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?" ]The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee?]Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.[3 very lonely men.]98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]In 1681, the last dodo bird died.[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]A more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Freeze
Freeze Who?
For he's a jolly good fellow.

The counter man in the ice cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop. The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter, and unwrapped a condom.
“Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it. ”
The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer. The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.
“What, ” asked the ice cream purveyor, “Is the reason for that? ”
“For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, by golly, I’m going to give it to her! ”

MRS Ramlal was so fond of her newly purchased fridge that she involuntarily put everything in it, and then forgot all about it. One day, her husband handed over the arrears of dearness allowance, which he had got from his office, for safe custody. As usual she put the envelope in the freezer. After a few days when Ram Lai enquired about it, she failed to recollect where she had put it. After a week of searching, Ram Lai found it lying in the deep- freeze tray. He remarked:' You have been able to freeze at least the D. A. of your husband!'