Bend Jokes

This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

Two, old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldnt bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. Im gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So, "says the second drunk, "whats your point" "Well, "says the first, "Im just wondering how much stronger Im gonna get!"

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?" ]The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee?]Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.[3 very lonely men.]98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]In 1681, the last dodo bird died.[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]A more...

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"