Formula Jokes

The police recently busted a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983....

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

The formula for a happy marriage is the same as the one for living in California: When you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

What's the formula for water? -H-two-O What's the formula for an ice cube? -H-two-O-CUBED

Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron

The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners.

Their idea of a catalyst:

2 bags of cat litter
3 cans of cat food
1 can of flea powder
1 collar

Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A: Feed them titrations.

Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because it's polar.

Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory?
His business went insolvent.

Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon.

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.