Footballer Jokes

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? He was the skipper!

m.jackson on a plane with a preisdent, a footballer and some kids and its about 2 crash and the preisdent goes save the kids, and the footballer gose fuck the kids and m.jackson gose
r u sure we have time

Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A: The scenter spot!
Q: Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!
Q: What's the chilliest ground in the premiership?
A: Cold Trafford!
Q: How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner!
Q: Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
A: Paul gas coin!
Q: What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
A: Ince pies!
Q: What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
A: Both do hat tricks!
Q: Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, a crossbar can't jump!
Q: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A: Because they're always dribbling!
Q: Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
A: Because he liked sole music

Bosnian Footballer
Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for' 96. The only Thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. First, he threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window over 200 yards away --ka-boom! Next, he threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey!
Then, a car passes going 90 miles an hour-- bulls-eye! Another grenade right into the barely open window.
"I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So he brings him to the states and teaches him the great game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks all NFL records more...

What does a footballer and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!