Fix Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...
A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more -- would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,' Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?' Her husband snarled,' What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?' and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely,' Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?' Once again, he growled,' What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?' The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said,' Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?' And again was met with a snarl,' What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?' Finally, she had had enough. The more...
Jerry is watching the end of an intense baseball game when his wife taps him on the shoulder and asks,' Honey, could you fix the front steps? They're ready to collapse.' He sighs and says,' After the game, Flo.' Flo grinds her teeth. She nearly broke her neck climbing those stupid stairs and all he cares about is his stupid baseball game.' Well, could you fix the light in the hall? It's been flickering for weeks.' He sighs and says,' Darn it, Flo, I'm a sports fan, not an electrician. Call Joe Burkes to fix it.' Flo counters:' Can you fix the fridge door, then? It won't shut.' Jerry turns to talk to her and misses the game-winning homer. He turns back to the screen and sees people celebrating and carrying on. He wants to swear. Instead he says,' You want me to fix the fridge? Who do I look like, the Maytag Repairman?' She opens her mouth and he hushes her silent.' I need to cool down,' he says.' I'm going out.' Jerry goes to his favorite watering hole and drinks for about an hour. more...
Describe your problem.
Now, describe the problem accurately.
Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem.
Is your computer plugged in?
Is it turned on?
Have you tried to fix it yourself?
Have you made it worse?
Have you read the manual?
Are you sure you've read the manual?
Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?
Do you think you understood it?
If' Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
If' nothing' then explain why you were logged in.
Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?
Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?
One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo."
"Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him.
So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way.
Feeling quick happy about herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink more...
COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:
1. Describe your problem:
_________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
4. Problem severity:
A. Minor
B. Minor
C. Minor
D. Trivial
5. Nature of the problem:
A. ___Locked Up
B. ___Frozen
C. ___Hung
D. ___Strange Smell
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __
7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __
9. Have you made it worse? Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about more...