Fix Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
1) Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
2) At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
3) For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
4) Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said.
She replied: "You're going to die."
A Beatle's Computer Parody
Something
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Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!
Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now
You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
BONUS PARODY TITLES!!!
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I Want to Hold Your more...
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside andsaid, "If you don't do the following, your husband willsurely die". 1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work. 3. For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores. 4. Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim. On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctorhad told her." You're going to die," she replied.
Subject: Top 12 things you don't want to hear from tech support
12.' Do you have a sledgehammer or brick handy?'
11.' ... that's right, not even MacGyver could fix it.'
10.' So -- what are you wearing?'
9.' Bummer Duuuuuuuude'
8.' Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n.'
7.' Press 1 for Support, Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes, Press 3 if you're with the FTC'
6.' We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.'
5.' I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.'
4.' In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.'
3.' Hold on a second....... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!'
2.' Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.' and the number 1 thing you don't want to hear from tech support...
1.' Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney.'
A guy comes home from the bar one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing." She thinks to herself "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies "Touchdown, tie score." Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's lying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
Your mamas so ugly even bob the builder said he can't fix that