Fees Jokes / Recent Jokes

"This should be taken care of right away."
('d planned a trip to Kenya next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)

"We'll see."
(First I have to check my malpractice insurance.)

"Let me check your medical history."
(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.)

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.)

"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."
(I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.)

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
(I haven't the faintest idea of what to do, but I'm trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt.)

"We have some good news and some bad news."
(The good news is that I'm going to buy that new BMW, and the bad more...

"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You're gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man." - Jay Leno

Be sure and ALWAYS cancel your credit cards before you die.........

This is just so priceless.... and so easy to see happening, customer "service" being what it is....

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $20. 00... now was somewhere around $60. 00

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the more...

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes
REDMOND, WA - In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
"Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek more...

"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. Youre gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man." - Jay Leno