FBI Jokes / Recent Jokes
Submitted by Darcy
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.
After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.
The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the more...
There once was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red head. They were all running from the FBI. They ran and ran. They saw this barn, they ran in. Then they saw 3 burlap sacks and hid in them.
The FBI guys entered the barn, and seeing the sacks kicked the first one which the brunette was in.
'Meow meow' says the bag.
'Oh its just some cats' says the man. He does kicks the next sack that the red head was in.
'Bark, Ruff!' comes from within the sack.
'Oh, its just a bunch of dogs!' he says.
Then he goes to the last sack that the blonde was in, and before he could kick it, she said' Potatoes!'
A 70-year old former U.S. soldier killed a mugger while vacationing in Costa Rica.
In a related story, the FBI made former Marine, John Murtha crap in his pants.
"Arrrrrrr ye ready to talk because we're heavily arrrrrrrrmed"
The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?
Agent: That’s correct. Just about more...
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.
The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses.
Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent.
"Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."
This past weekend, I was doing some holiday baking. It was getting late and I was tired so I decided to leave the cleanup mess until morning.
The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop. Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.
The FBI Special Crimes Unit arrived and sure enough, they confirmed that I did in fact have AntTracks.
Darn Terrorist!!!