Firewood Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Redneck joke

    Hot 7 years ago

    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
    "Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Happy Birthday Buddy"

    A visti from the FBI

    Hot 4 years ago

    The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

    "Hello?"

    "Hello, is this FBI?"

    "Yes. What do you want?"

    "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

    "This will be noted."

    Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

    The phone rings at Tom's house.

    "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"

    "Yeah!"

    "Did they chop your firewood?"

    "Yeah they did."

    "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

    Newfoundland Computer Lingo

    Hot 11 months ago

    1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
    3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
    4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
    5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
    much firewood
    6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
    7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
    8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
    9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
    10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
    11. Byte: What flies do
    12. Bit: What the flies did
    13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
    14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
    15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
    16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
    17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
    18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
    19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
    give you at the Big R
    20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
    21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    22. more...

    The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

    "Hello?"

    "Hello, is this KGB?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"

    "I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

    "This will be noted."

    Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

    The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

    "Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
    "Yes."
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yes, they did."

    "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

    The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
    "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!"
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.
    The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?"
    "Yep."
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

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