Employer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.

"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
"Well, I don''t mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:
Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.
A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He
looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth,
and walked into the manager'srs office, making it clear he
wished to apply for the job.
The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog
for this job."
The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity
employer."
So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it."
The dog went off to the word processor and returned a
minute later with the finished letter, perfectly
formatted.
The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a
computer program for it and run it."
Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct
answer.
The manager still wasn't convinced. "I more...

Using the following list will most certainly keep your afternoons free and enable you to watch those cool Oprah and Sally shows.
When filling out the job application form, under the heading 'Sex', instead of writing male or female, write in, "Not nearly enough, but I'm trying!"
In the same form under the heading 'Have you ever been convicted of a crime?' answer, "Not yet".
Show up late for the interview and try to rationalize it by saying, "My mom forgot to wake me again." This is in especially bad taste if you happen to be in your forties or older.
When meeting the interviewer for the first time, shake his hand and say: "You look familiar. I'm sure I've seen you before somewhere. Weren't you in the cell next to mine at Sing Sing?"
Tell the employer you will need a salary of at least $40k because the price of cocaine has gone up.
When asked why you left your last job, say: "Ah, well, my employer died under mysterious more...

Sri and Bri are two friends and Sri Singh has a very good job. Bri Singh is jobless and one day asks Sri to help him get some good Job. Sri Singh says, "OK, next time we will apply together." and they do.
On interview day, Sri Singh says, "First I will go inside and answer all questions and after coming out, I will give you all the questions & answers. Then you go in and answer everything. You will get the Job. So, Sri goes in.
EMPLOYER: When did we get independence?
Sri: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
Sri: It changes frequently and these days it's Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What's India's population?
Sri: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you, Sir.
Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to Bri Singh. Bri Singh (True SARDAR that he is) remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER: When were more...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer".

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.

Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the more...

A man was hired to drum up business for Aston Hotel. He was a phenomenal success in filling his bus time after time to go to the hotel from downtown streets. But his employer refused to keep paying him his required pay, assuming that just anyone could do the job.
But the next man could hardly get anyone at all to take the bus. The employer slipped around and watched to see how he was going about getting people to ride the bus. He saw the man wandering lazily around in the street saying, "Does anyone want to ride my bus to Aston Hotel? The bus is free. Does anyone want...?" So he fired the man and re-hired the first man.
He eavesdropped on him, too, and heard this high-energy sales pitch:
"Free bus to Aston Hotel!
Free ass at Buston Hotel!
Bust your ass to Freeton Hotel!"

A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:

HELP WANTED
Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was more...