Else Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Dictionary: what engineers say and what they mean by it
Major Technological Breakthrough
Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research
It was discovered by accident.
The designs are well within allowable limits
We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Test results were extremely gratifying
It works, and are we surprised!
Customer satisfaction is believed assured
We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all.
Close project coordination
We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties
We are working on something else.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period
We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried
We don't know where we're going, but more...
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. "Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he more...
A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant. "Did you see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
A man walks into a bar and says,' 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.'' Bartender says,' 'You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'' The guy says,' 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.''
He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks,' 'You mean to say, he can drink that much?''' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,'' the man retorted.
So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.' 'That's amazing!'' says the bartender.' 'What else can he do? Can he walk?'' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,' 'Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.'' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.' 'That's amazing!'' he says.' 'What else can he do? Does he talk?'' The more...
Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the `real` reason this meeting has been called. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, more...
This little old lady was sitting on her front porch in her rocking chair reflecting on her long life when a fairy godmother approached her to grant her three wishes. "What would you like for your first wish, she said."The little old lady said "I guess I'm like everyone else, and would like to be rich." POOF-her rocking chair turned into solid gold. "And, for your second wish?" She asked."Well, again, like everyone else, I wish I were young and beautiful." POOF-she was turned into a beautiful young woman. As she was trying to come up with her third wish, her cat walked across the porch in front of her. "Ooh-can you turn him into a handsome prince?" POOF-before her eyes was the most handsome young man she had ever seen. She was sitting there all smitten-he smiled at her with a smile that made her knees week. He slowly approached
her and whispered in her ear. "I'll bet you're really pissed off that you had me neutered."