Elevator Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a ''spider person.''
4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let him in! He's the killer!''
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this time.''
7) Beep when a large person backs up.
8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the ''little men.''
9) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw more...

Driving with two wheels in the sand.

Dropped his second stage too soon.

Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a mud fence / a stump / a sack of hammers.

Dumber than a chicken / box of hair/rocks.

During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.

Ears are redirected to /dev/null.

Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing.

Echoes between the ears.

Eight pawns short of a gambit.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor / penthouse.

Elevator goes all the way to the top but the door doesn't open.

Elevator is on the ground floor and he's pushing the Down button.

End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock

Enjoys listening to telemarketers.

Enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money. 2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call. 3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a "spider person." 4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: "Don't let him in! He's the killer!" 5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it. 6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: "I hope I fixed it this time." 7) Beep when a large person backs up. 8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the "little men." 9) Insist on making inanimate objects "dance" 10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public. 11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds. 12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw more...

Fun thing to do in an elevator... Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.