Elastic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
"What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.

Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.

When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.

The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."

Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls more...

My penis is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation.

"Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.

The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."

Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.

"I sew the elastic on...

He pulls on it and more...

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well, here's the elastic band.

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week. When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers." Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven." I sew the elastic on... He pulls on it and says,....." Yep, diesel fitter".

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity more...