Eighty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! " "Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six more...

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
Windows 95 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not more...

Q: What has eighty feet and three teeth?
A: The front row of a Billy Ray Cyrus concert.

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home." Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out! ""Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old." No. .. not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all." "Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old." No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6: 30." With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a more...

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Windows 98 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 98 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 more...