Effects Jokes / Recent Jokes

Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.
Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company's headache remedies appear on the sites.
News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: "The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic's new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on GetMusic.com (www.get-music.com)... "
Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.
And speaking of animals, The You're Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg's new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.
Our Say What? more...

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent
that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
and gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived
in the country she called her husband and told him that she would
be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of more...

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion forbaked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had avery embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparentthat they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweetand gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on."So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some monthslater her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she livedin the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a smalldiner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walkoff any ill effects by the time she reached home.So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she hadconsumed three large orders of baked beans. She putt-putted all theway home, and upon arriving home more...

While performing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's testicles. Determined to avoid a malpractice suit, he replaced the missing testicle with an onion.
Several weeks later, the man returned to the doctor for his post-surgery check-up.
"How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.
"It's pretty good," the man replied, "but I've been experiencing some strange side effects."
"What kind of side effects?" the doctor inquired nervously.
"Well, whenever I pee, my eyes water," the man explained. "When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets hearburn, and any time I pass a hotdog stand, I get a hard-on."

A woman had been prescribed testosterone, a male hormone, and was concerned about some of the side effects she was experiencing. She decided to make an appointment with her doctor to discuss her concerns.
"Doctor, the medication you prescribed has been really helping, but I'm afraid maybe you're giving me too much. I'm growing hair in places I've never grown hair before," she told him.
The doctor reassuringly said, "A little hair growth is a normal side effect of testosterone. Where has the hair appeared?"
"On my balls!"