Drop Jokes / Recent Jokes
20 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmate
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1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,' May I borrow a highlighter?'
2. Say,' Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that.'
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say,' Damn, this water's cold.'
5. Drop a marble and say,' Oh shit! My glass eye!'
6. Say,' Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.'
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say,' Now how did that get there?'
9. Say,' Humus. Reminds me of humus.'
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,' Whoa! Easy boy!'
11. Say,' Interesting... more floaters more...
New Miracle Diet!
Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim hope?
Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason.
After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught parents, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your more...
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.' 'Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man.' 'Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said,' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor.''
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie.' 'Drop your pants, and bend over,'' says the doctor.' 'What?'' says the man.' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear.' 'Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!'' screams the man.' 'Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.
About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.' 'Now pull up your pants and come more...
Flabby Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you
don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat
diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3
days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is
there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland
problem? Or is there a slim (groan) hope?
Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed,
as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a
cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason.
After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught
moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering
great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet,
however, be sure more...
This guy asks his friend,' If they were to drop THE BOMB right now what would be the first thing you would do?'
Second guy says,' I would screw the first thing that moved, what would you do?'
The first guy says,' I would stand very still for about half an hour.'
When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out without closing the door.I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed. And whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.I'll run and I'll romp, always fritter away... the time to be spent doing chores every day.I'll pester my children when they are on the phone. As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.Hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer... and never pick up what I drop on the floor.Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish. I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor. As soon as they've mopped it, I'll flood it some more.When they correct me, I'll lie down and cry, kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then .. when they buy new ones, I'll take them again.I'll spill glasses of more...