Driving Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, and there standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"
3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops".
5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"
6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
7. Fill your car with beer bottles.
8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
11. Swear at everybody on the road.
12. When you stop at a light, start revving the more...

Q. If you are driving and you see a feminist on a bike, why should you try not to hit her?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. Why is three feminists going over a cliff in a sedan car is a shame?
A. Because a sedan has four seats!

A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don''t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."

The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"

The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."

The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy''s taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"

A cop is driving down the freeway when he sees a blonde knitting while she is driving.
Confused he turns on his siren and loudpeaker and says, "pullover, pullover." The blond looks up at the cop and then down and screams, " No, it s a sweater!"

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"