Driving Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy buys a new Rolls Royce, and is driving it home. He stops at a red light about two blocks from his house when a crapy looking Yugo pulls up next to him. The guy in the Yugo sticks his head out of the window and yells out "Hey thats a sweet lookin car!"
The guy driving the Rolls, rolls down the window and shows a proud smile. The Yugo guy screams out "Did it come with a tv like my Yugo?" The Rolls guy, kind of flustered that his luxury car didnt have a tv, made a U-Turn and drove back to the dealership and made them install the grandest $5000 tv they had. A few days later, the Rolls driver is waiting at a stop sign when the Yugo guy drives up next to him. The Rolls guy starts bragging about the new $5000 20" tv in his car. The yugo guy inquires with a smile, if the Rolls came with leather heated seats like his Yugo. The Rolls guy, mad at the fact that his car didnt, drives back to the dealership and makes them install the finest seats $10,000 can more...

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over."No," the man replied."You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained."But I did slow down!" the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."
The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

A driver is pulled over by a police man.
Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
papers please.
Man: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the boot if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away
to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5
police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle
please! The man steps out of his vehicle.
Man: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you more...

A man driving outside of Baltimore, Maryland was southbound on Interstate 95 in the far right hand lane traveling at 55 mph, minding his own business. He noticed in his rear view mirror that a Maryland State Trooper was right behind him. A mile later nothing changed, except now he's driving at 65 mph, the maximum limit. Several miles further along, the Trooper's right on his bumper and the man increases his speed to 75 mph. The Trooper activates his lights and siren and the man reluctantly pulls onto the shoulder. After the Trooper demands the man's driver's license and registration, he sez, "Mr. {Smith}, I cannot for the life of me figure out why, when you knew I was behind you for quite some time, you sped up knowing that you could be cited for speeding. What in the world caused you to do that? The man looked relieved, stared the Trooper directly in the eye and softly spoke, "Trooper, three months ago, my wife ran off with a Maryland State Trooper. I thought you were him, more...

What did Michael Jackson get when he passed his driving test?
A couple of minors

Eugene d'Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, "Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife." During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I have some breast?" "Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat." Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat." Sentenced to two years hard labor (for Sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this is the way more...

A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!
The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"
The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."
The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"
The man replied, "I don't have one officer."
"Of course you do," said the policeman.
"No sir, I don't," said the man.
"So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.
"This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.
"You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.
"Yes I'm afraid so sir,"
Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."
The man more...