Highway Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
    "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
    ''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the-"
    ''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
    ''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road-''
    ''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer more...

    1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
    2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
    3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
    4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
    5. You drink pop, not soda.
    6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
    7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
    8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
    9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
    10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
    11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
    12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
    13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
    14. You're not sure more...

    A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
    Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway - why are you going so slow?"
    Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65."
    Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!
    Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful.
    At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
    Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something terrible.
    Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.

    A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 km'.
    He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 km' and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.
    On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, 'Sisters of Mercy'.
    He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you, my son?'
    He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.'
    'Very well, my son. Please follow me.'
    He is led through many winding passages more...

    Here's something I got (appropriately) over the net from someone,
    who got it from someone, who in turn got it from somebody else. I
    have no idea who originally wrote it.
    "Think of the Internet as a highway."
    There it is again. Some clueless fool talking about the "Information
    Superhighway." They don't know didley about the net. It's nothing
    like a superhighway. That's a rotten metaphor.
    Suppose the metaphor ran in the other direction. Suppose the highways
    were like the net...
    A highway hundreds of lanes wide. Most with pitfalls for potholes.
    Privately operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A
    couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles. 500 member
    vigilante posses with nuclear weapons. A minimum of 237 on ramps at
    every intersection. No signs. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out
    the window at a passing truck to ask directions. Ad hoc traffic
    laws. Some lanes would vote to make use by a more...

  • Recent Activity