Drivers Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why dont they teach drivers education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They dont want to wear out the camel.
I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China........................... Traffic signals are (how should I put it...) optional. Right of way is determined by vehicle weight. On any given street every car is driving parallel, but none will be driving co-linear. In taking any 3 consecutive Chinese drivers, 1 will be driving over the median. In merging lanes, Chinese drivers feel the need to drive neck and neck until the last moment when one finally chickens out. Whenever a Chinese person crosses the street by foot, he will not consider such meaningless factors as how many cars are on the road, or how fast they are going. If while crossing the more...
You know you're in Sydney, Australia, when...
• Your co-worker tells you they have eight body piercings but none are visible.
• You earn over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.
• You never bother looking at the bus timetable because you know the drivers have never seen it.
• You can't remember... is dope illegal?
• You've been to more than one baby shower (wetting the baby's head) that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
• You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
• A great parking space can move you to tears.
• Your child's Year Three teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named Breeze. And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
• You get used to signs at zebra crossings that say, 'Pedestrians give way to traffic'.
• You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't more...
tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.
It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! ”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? ”
“Ma’am, ” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. ”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour! ” the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22? was the route number, not more...
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle more...
Why are women such bad drivers?
Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.