Dog Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, were in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the more...

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his "paw."

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side. The boy was wearing a firefighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter said, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration.

"Thanks mister" the boy said.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

"You're probably right, more...

Aries

The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

Taurus

The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? A. "Rough rough".

1) A guy goes into the doctor's
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my botty"
"Good grief, how's that?'
"Don't you start"
2) "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
3) A Welshman goes to the doctor:
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home"
"that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome"
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual"
4) A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.
Well, "says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's bloody heavy."
5) Man goes to his GP with a peanut stuck in his more...