Disease Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?" The man looked worried. "Well, yes, once or twice." The doctor's face got a grave expression on it. "That's what I was afraid of. You have a new disease that's just starting to spread in this country. It's called' Hong Kong Dong.'" The man gulped. "What do you do for it? Is there a cure?" "Well, sort of. You see, there is no way to cure the disease, but you must have an operation." "An operation? What kind of operation?" "We cut off your penis." "Wow! Do you mind if I get a second opinion?" The doctor replied, "Of course not. In something of such a serious more...

One will leave you with a smile on your face, and the other one leaves with your will.
One will give you a disease, and the other one is a disease.
One will love you and leave you, and the other one you wish would leave you alone.
One lets you lie back and enjoy it, and the other one bends you over and you don’t enjoy it.
One tells you what they’re going to do to you, and the other one won’t admit it.
One you look forward to visiting, and the other one you wish you’d never met.
One is illegal and shouldn’t be, and the other one is legal and shouldn’t be.
One gives you what you paid for, and the other one you never stop paying.
One walks the streets openly, and the other one hides in an office.
One gets arrested for soliciting, and the other one is called a solicitor.

There is this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk pulling a wagon and dragging a flattened frog on a string behind it, when he comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute.

He knocks on the door and the madam comes to answer it, sees him and asks what he wants. He says he wants what she is selling inside, and has the money to buy it and isn't leaving until he gets it. She thinks she could have some fun with him, so she tells him to come in.

Once he gets in, she tells him to pick one of the girls he likes. He asks her if any of the girls have any diseases and, of course, the madam says no. He tells her he has heard all the men in town talking about having to go to the hospital and get shots after making love with Mable, and she is the girl he wants and he has the money to pay for it.

The madam tells him to go upstairs and go to the first room on the right. So he heads down the hall dragging the frog behind him. Ten minutes more...

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's never seen anything like it, but his penis will probably have to be amputated.
The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know anything about this disease, but thinks the amputation is indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decides to go to a Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this V.D.
Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this disease! Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything. Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"

Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?


A: Because they're a bunch of pigs!

A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she might never find a mate. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided that it was time to see a doctor. Looking thru the phone book, she came upon a Chinese doctor/sex therapist named Dr.Chang. When the woman arrived, she told the doctor her symptoms, and he said, "Take off all your crowes and you craw real fass away from me across the froor." She crawled to the other side of the room and Dr. Chang said, "Now...you craw real fass back to me," and she did. Dr. Chang shook his head and said, "you haf real bad case of Zachary Disease....worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex probrem." The woman was completely confused and asked the doctor exactly what Zachary Disease was and he replied, "Zachary Disease....that when your face rook ZACHARY rike your ass!"

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date, nor any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her MD recommended that she go see Dr.Chang, the well-known Oriental sex therapist. So, she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose.
"Now, get down and crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.
So, she did...
Dr. Chang then said, "OK now crawl reery fass to me, so she did. Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said "Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.
Confused, the woman asked, "What is Zachary Disease?
Dr. Chang replied, "It when your face rook Zachary rike your ass.