Disease Jokes / Recent Jokes

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

These 2 cows are standing in a paddock. They strike up a conversation, as cows are want to do.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, how are you"
"Oh, pretty good.. . actually that's not quite true. I'm a little worried really"
"Good heavens, why. What could you have to worry about?"
"Well, it's Mad Cow Disease, actually"
"But we're in Australia; it's not going to effect us"
"You never know. Viruses are very good at traveling. You can never be sure where they're going to turn up next. To be honest, I can't believe you're not concerned yourself"
"About Mad Cow disease?"
"Yeah"
"Well it's not really my problem is it"
"Why not!"
"Well I'm a rabbit"

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Know
this, and you will have come far in understanding men and enriching
your own life..
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you are the first human they encounter. As a token of
intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but
incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing
all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy,
wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life
do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to more...

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date." Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. Your cow demands to be branded with the' Golden Archs Logo'. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket. Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it. Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards. Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars. Your more...

I've learned that after age 50 you get the Furniture Disease.

That's when your chest falls into your drawers.

One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields. The first cow said, "I'm telling you, this mad cow disease is getting pretty scary! I've heard it's spreading so fast that it's already on Farmer Rubin's land just down the road!"The second cow replied, "So what? It doesn't affect us chickens!"