Disease Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman, becoming more and more concerned that she may never succeed in finding a mate, decides to seek out the help of a sex therapist.
Searching through the phone book, she comes upon a Japanese doctor, who happens to be a sex therapist, and makes an appointment.
After explaining her symptoms to the doctor, he says, "Take off all crowes and crawl real fass away from me across froor."
She crawls to the other side of the room and the doctor then says, "Now, you crawl real fass back to me." She does as he says. The doctor then shakes his head and says, "You haf real bad case of Ed Zackary disease... worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex problem."
Totally confused by his diagnosis, she asks, "What is Ed Zackary disease? I've never heard of it."
The doctor replies, "Ed Zackary disease... that when your face rook Ed Zackary rike your ass!"
The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.
1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off.
Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.
Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can more...
Two cows were grazing near each other.
One says: "Are you worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?".
The other replied: "Why should I worry? I'm a squirrel".
Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450? my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming."I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My Modems. more...
1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs more...
One day, an actress from Hollywood was driving her Eldorado Cadillac through the backroads of Georgia when she spotted two young guys out in a field plowing. Being very horney, she immediately pulled her car over onto a dirt road and motioned for the two guys to come to her.
Once they arrived at her car, she asked them, "How are you boys doing today?"
"Fine, ma'am," they replied, "Just fine, thanks. Can we help you with something?"
She then informed them that she was indeed feeling very amourous and asked if they thought they could help her out.
"Oh yes, ma'am!" they both exclaimed, looking excited at this proposition.
"Good," she then said. "One of you go ahead and get in the backseat of my car and we'll get started."
So, the first guy got into the backseat of her Cadillac and proceeded to begin when all of a sudden she stopped and said, "Here, put this on."
"What is more...