Dis Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good

We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check

All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads

I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"

I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho

And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite

Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!

On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to more...

In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, "Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?" The boy replies, "Daddy I was jus' gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?" The father says, "Boy don' be tellin me you don' know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin.." The boy says, "Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife." The father replies, "So what difference dis make?" To which the son says, "Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain't good nuff for her own family she shore ain't good enough for ours!"

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.

At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."

PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives more...

Ebonics Crimmus PomeWuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' goodWe hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our checkAll o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey headsI passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe' spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo shoAnd what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis niteFaster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on' Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see!! As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damndest site I ebber did seeHe didn't more...