Detector Jokes

Hijackers are allowed to pre-board
Mary Jo Buttafuoco walks through metal detector without her bullet setting it off
Machines sell insurance just for your time in the airport
White zone for unloading, red zone for reloading
You-know-who is there filming a Hertz commercial
As you board plane, gate attendant says "You poor son-of-a-bitch"
Runways have passing lanes
You have to go through a metal detector just to enter the gift shop
There are more shots being fired there than at the White House
Electronic scanning equipment made by Westinghouse

The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

An Englishman, an American and a Sinhala man are called
upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says. "I think I can
empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ goes the lie detector. "Ok, 10
bottles". And themachine is silent. The American says. "I think
I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ goes the lie detector.
"all right, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.
The Sinhala man says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the
machine.
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Having lost his donkey a Banda, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked,"Your
donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?
The Banda replied "I am thanking Him for seeing
to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I
would have been missing more...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic more...