Despite Jokes / Recent Jokes

Despite their other contributions to our society, lawyers can still be a great source of protein.

1991 -- A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.

1992 -- Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S. D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."

1993 -- Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James more...

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular.

THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES: ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
With partner's consent... 12 Shoes flew off... 35
Without partner's consent.187 Expression didn't change....1/2
Orchestra swelled... 6
UNHOOKING BRA: Birds sang
Using two calm hands... 7 Large birds... 7
Using one trembling hand...36 Small birds... 3
Earth moved... 30
Lifting partner... 15 PULLING OUT:
Dragging partner on floor..16 After orgasm... 1/2
Using skateboard... 3 A few moments before orgasm.500
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: PENIS ENVY:
For normal healthy man....2.5 For woman... 3
Losing erection... 14 For men... 72
Searching for it... 115
GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM: Despite no formal training,
With erection... 1.5 orgasm comes easily... 53
Without erection... 300 You're enjoying sex, despite the
fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: starving... more...

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
2. How And When to Get Your Human's more...

Computer scientist Arthur Boran was ecstatic. A few minutes earlier, he had programmed a basic
mathematical problem into his prototypical Akron I computer. His request was simply, "Give me the sum
of every odd number between zero and ten." The computer's quick answer, 157, was unexpected, to say
the least. With growing excitement, Boran requested an explanation of the computer's reasoning. The
printout read as follows: THE TERM "ODD NUMBER" IS AMBIGUOUS. I THEREFORE CHOOSE TO INTERPRET IT AS
MEANING "A NUMBER THAT IS FUNNY LOOKING." USING MY AESTHETIC JUDGEMENT, I PICKED THE NUMBERS 3, 8,
AND 147, ADDED THEM UP, AND GOT 157.
A few moments later there was an addendum: I GUESS I MEANT 158.
Followed shortly thereafter by: 147 IS MORE THAN 10, ISN'T IT? SORRY.
Anyone doing conventional research would have undoubtedly consigned the hapless computer to the scrap
heap. But for Boran, the Akron I's response more...

The Immense Consequences
The death under any circumstances of a member of the Royal Family would be
a cause for sadness. Had anyone made a list of those whose death might
have been anticipated, Princess Diana's name would have been last on it,
hence the worldwide shock and outpouring of grief: disbelief, anger,
analysis, sadness and perhaps the reluctant beginnings of acceptance.
Strong emotions would have been triggered had any Royal been even slightly
injured in an accident. The sudden, total loss of Diana, Princess of
Wales in a violent car crash is one of the greatest national tragedies to
befall Britain since the Second World War.
The memory of August 31, 1997 will long remain in people's minds: first
we saw the gruesome wreckage of the Mercedes after hitting an underpass
wall at high speed following a reckless chase through Paris from the Place
Vendome to the Pont De L'Alma. By strange twists of fate, the more...