Assume Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bar Joke
    Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
    Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
    Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
    Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in
    here!
    The argument repeats itself until they are all drunk. Dave goes to the toilet.
    On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
    Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder .
    >>
    Dave: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
    Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
    Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
    Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?
    Dave: - Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens!
    Suit: - Well, it's more...

    Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
    The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.
    "What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.
    "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
    "That's real good!" said the redneck.
    The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
    Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!"
    "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.
    "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
    "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are more...

    Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
    "Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
    "Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
    Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
    "A what?" asked the builder.
    "Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
    A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it more...

    Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
    "What's logic?" the first redneck asked.
    The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
    "I sure do."
    "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
    "That's real good!" said the redneck.
    The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
    Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"
    "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
    "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.
    "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
    "You're absolutely more...

    Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one
    club and two balls.
    Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
    Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
    keep the balls out.
    For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
    owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
    Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
    damage to the hole.
    Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
    the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result
    in being denied permission to play again.
    It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
    upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire
    the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and
    bunkers.
    Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
    played or are currently playing more...

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