Denise Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Denise agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Joe noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him, she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
"Denise" he said, "was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died?"
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

A woman is rushed into hospital in labour with twins, sadly it turns out that she has a rare condition which causes her to slip into a coma when she feels extreme pain.Six months later the woman wakes up in her hospital bed."Doctor!" She asks "What happened to the children?""Don't worry madam." He replied, "The children are fine, you have a strong yound lad and a beatiful baby girl. Your brother collected them, named them and is now looking after them.""Oh no! My brother is an idiot" She cried. "What did he name them?""Well your daughter's name is Denise" The doctor informed her.The woman breathed a sigh of relief before asking "What about my son?""Denephew" The doctor replied.

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building... I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."

I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.

I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed "1" and he just stood there... I said, "Hi, where you going?" He said, "Phoenix." So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... We were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said, "You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with." We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said, "You get it." I picked it up and said, "Hello?"... The other side said, "Is this more...

Ali g's sister was having baby twins but when they were born she became ill she woke up one morning and realised she hadn't
Named them. "doctor i haven't named my children." "dont worry your brother named them." "what are their names?" the doctor
Replied "denise and denephew"

Denise Richards accidentally hit an elderly woman with a laptop, or as the old woman calls it, "a magic thinking box."
This is NOT how I wanted Denise Richards to nail another woman.