Deer Jokes / Recent Jokes

After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband.
He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walkin gback he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man.
"It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting.
The man's voice kept insisting... "That's not your deer, lady"
The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine."
"No it's not" said the man.
The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer.
Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat.
"Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it!"

ya i got a joke for ya what do you call a deer with one eye?
a F***** one eyed deer

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who's the king of the jungle?', and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'
The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared,'Who's the king of the jungle?', of course, the zebra replied, 'You are, master.'
The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who's the king of the jungle?', he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.
The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'

Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in Montana. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see the snow covering them. Oct. 14 Montana is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise! I love it here. Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here. Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight, I won. Than the snowplow came by. We had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place! I love Montana!! Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did it's trick again to the driveway. more...

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What's the difference between boogers and spinach?
You can't get kids to eat spinach.
What did the horse say when he more...

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey." The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day."
Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.