Darling Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
    If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, she'd be Whoopi Cushing.
    If Swoosie Kurtz married Patrick Swayze, she'd be Swoosie Swayze.
    If Flip Wilson married Les Aucoin, he'd be Flip Aucoin.
    If Barbara Hershey married John Candy, divorced him to marry Roseanne Barr, she'd be Barbara Hershey Candy Barr.
    If Julie Emry married Jeff Gillooly, divorced him to marry Darlene Hooley, then divorced her to marry Wes Cooley, she'd be Julie Gillooly Hooley Cooley.
    If Ivana Trump married Neil Diamond, divorced him to marry Jack Nicklaus, then divorced him to marry John Darling, she'd be Ivana Diamond Nicklaus Darling.
    If Julie London married Beau Bridges, divorced him and married composer Manuel de Falla, then married Hugh Downs, she'd be Julie more...

    A young man very much in love wanted to buy a Birthday present for his sweetheart. After much consideration he decided on a pair of gloves and on the following day accompanied by his sister, he went to the Chinese gift shop where he ordered a pair of gloves and his sister bought a pair of panties for herself.
    At the parcel counter the two parcels got intermixed. Unaware of this change the young man sent the wrong parcel to his sweetheart accompanied by the following letter.
    My dearest darling,
    This little present from me brings you my best wishes on your birthday. You may wonder why I chose this particular gift. You see darling, I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evening. I picked out a pair that was short and tight fitting because the sales girl told me this style was the current fashion.
    I hope the light pink color will appeal to you as it suits your complexion. This pair is said to be very durable when the sales girl more...

    A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he's going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
    "My darling," he writes, "it looks like we're going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and we're constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation's terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."
    His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don't you learn to play this?"
    Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife.
    "Darling" he says, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
    But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let's see how well you play that harmonica."

    Once upon a time in a faraway land, a prince had a spell put on him by an evil witch. He could only say one word each year. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful girl. He wanted to call her darling, so he waited a year. When that was up, he wanted to say "Darling, I love you." So he waited another three years. But then he decided to propose. So he waited another four years to say: "Will you marry me?" After 8 years, he sat her down in a lovely garden, and said: "Darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

    "Pardon?"

    Santa came home earlier than usual, when his wife, Jeeto's lover was still in the apartment. She hid her lover in a closet, and served dinner. As they ate, something rustled in the closet.
    "What's that?" Santa husband asked.
    "Nothing, darling. Just jackets."
    After a while, they again heard some noise in the closet.
    "What the hell is that?"
    "I'm telling you, just jackets."
    A few minutes later, the noise sounded once more.
    "I'll check it," Santa said. "You'll regret it if it's not jackets."
    Santa yanked the closet's door open. Inside, he saw a man who held a pistol. Santa quietly closed the door, and said, "Indeed, jackets, darling."

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