Danced Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our secretary heard this during a talent show at a retirement village.
A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this
very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady,
and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great.
They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other
so much, and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to
get married.
On their wedding night, they went to bed and he reached over and took her
hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to
sleep.
On the second night, when they went to bed, he reached over and
squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the third night, he reached over and took her hand, and she said, "Not
tonight, honey, I have a headache."

A soldier's letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where i am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear.
Two weeks later, another letter home:
Dear Mom, I can't tell you where I am, but yesterday i danced with a hula girl.
Two weeks later another letter home:
Dear Mom, I still can't tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot the hula girl.

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House,
Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care,
for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed,
dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,
had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,
all drunken and rowdy: 'twas Newt and the boys!
Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,
"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"
The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow,
gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.
When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew
of Republicans and a keg of ice beer.
With a big House leader, all lively and fat:
He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT!
As more...

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head.And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.When out in the garden came a plethora of noise, all drunken and rowdy: 'twas Newt and the boys! Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,"It's a raid boys!" he cried, "Quick, go hide my stash!"The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow, gave a psychedelic haze to the objects below.When what to Bill's frantic eyes should appear, but a slew of Republicans and a keg of ice beer.With a big House leader, all lively and fat:He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT! As viscous as vipers, the Republicans came, and Bill recognized them and called them by more...

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap more...