Cost Jokes / Recent Jokes
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT more...
Bachelor's Diet
MONDAY:
BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox
DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
TUESDAY:
BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw
LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
WEDNESDAY:
BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El more...
Bill Gates is the owner of Microsoft and GMC is a large car
company. Gates recently told GMC what would happen if Microsoft
produced GMC cars:
1. They would cost about $5. 00 each
2. You would be able to change the colors and the arrangement of
parts at any time.
3. It would give you directions and basically travel for you.
4. Free internet access
5. A Christmas card from Bill Gates every year.
GMC in return added what would happen:
1. Every 5 minutes it would freeze in the middle of the road.
2. Before starting the engine, speeding up, slowing down, etc.,
it would ask you if you're sure you want to do this
3. You would have to get a new car every two years because the
old one becomes outdated and can't function on the roads anymore.
4. The NT and MS-DOS cars would cost a little bit more, but
would run better and have free DSL.
Fred and his family, including his mother-in-law, were vacationing in the Middle East. While they were visiting Jerusalem, Fred's mother-in-law died.
With her death certificate in hand, Fred went to the American Consulate Office to arrange to have her body sent back to the States for proper burial.
After hearing of the mother-in-law's death, the Consul told Fred that it would be extremely expensive to have the body returned to the States for burial. The Consul advised him that it could cost as much as $5000.
Continuing, the Consul said, "In most cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. The cost for that would be approximately $200."
Fred thought about it for a short time and replied, "It doesn't matter what the cost will be to send the body back, that's definitely what I want to do."
"You must have loved your mother-in-law very deeply considering the difference in price," said the more...
Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?"
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.
Clinton gasped, "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!"
Christophe replied, "That makes us even."
Golf Genie
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm more...
Due to the current financial status of the company, all employees are encouraged to adopt the following cost cutting measures.
LODGING - All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
TRANSPORTATION - Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
MEALS - more...