Cost Jokes / Recent Jokes
BETTER TO BE A JOCK OR A NERD?
To help you in formulating your answer, the following should be considered:
Michael Jordan will make more than $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming he also makes $40 million in endorsements next year, he will be making $178,000 a day, working or not.
If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $8.00 (without popcorn and drink), but will make $18,500 while he is there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he will make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415 per hour more than minimum wage, even after the wage hike.
He will make $3,710 while watching each episode of "FRIENDS". If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX (cost $90,000), it will take him a whole 12 hours to earn the money.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at a rate of 2 dollars every second. He will probobly pay around $200 for a nice round of more...
A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for herhusbands funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husbandto be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldnt it just be easier to bury him in the black suitthat hes wearing?"But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blankcheck to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffinand he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director howmuch she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didnt cost anything. The funniest thinghappened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this onewearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, andasked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried ina black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched theheads."
Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job.
One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?"
"I dont know", replies the stupid cashier.
The woman leaves unsatisfied.
THe boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!"
"10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier.
The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?"
"10 cents ma'am"
"Really?, are they fresh?"
"I dont know"
So the woman leaves.
The boss, having spied this screams "WELL OFCOURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?"
So the cashier memorizes more...
Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job.One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?""I dont know", replies the stupid cashier.The woman leaves unsatisfied.THe boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!""10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier.The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?""10 cents ma'am""Really?, are they fresh?""I dont know"So the woman leaves.The boss, having spied this screams "WELL OFCOURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?"So the cashier memorizes "Yes, very fresh"The next day, another woman comes and more...
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional more...
1. Teaching Math in the 1950s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Math in the 1960s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Math in the 1970s: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make100 dots representing the elements of the set "M". The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M". Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? 4. Teaching Math in the 1980s: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math in more...
DOS AIR - All the passengers go out into the runway, grab hold of the plane, push it until it gets into the
air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground again.. Then they grab the plane again, push it
back into the air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS 95 AIRLINES - The terminal is very neat and clean. The attendants are all very attractive and
the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After your plane arrives 6 months late, you begin
to wonder why it has not arrived yet. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the
clouds, and at 20, 000 feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS - The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel the same and act the
same. When asked questions about the flight they reply that you don't want to know, don't need
to know, and would you please return to seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS - The terminal is almost empty, with only a prospective passengers milling about. more...