Consistently Jokes

Doesn't know key to songs-$10
Doesn't know when to come in-$15
Modulates without informing band-$20
Continues singing in old key after song modulates-$30
Forgets original singer of song-$10
Dances great but sings off key and out of time-$30
Gets off key singing acapella-$200
Stands onstage but doesn't sing harmonies-$30
Sings bad harmonies-$35
Sings harmonies already contributed by band member in song-$40
Stops song halfway through and starts over-$25
Forgets to sing bridge-$20
Forgets words-$20
Sings verses out of order in song-$15
Makes up 4th verse to 3 verse song-$100
Holds words to song while singing onstage-$20
Looks at pager while singing song-$10
Sings consistently flat-$25
Sings consistently sharp-$25
Sings too softly-$5
Just plain ol' CANNOT SING, but buys band a round of drinks - No Charge
Sings "Stand By Your Man" in the key of A-$30
Wants to sing more...

About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?"
I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the low seventies."
There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The low seventies?"
"Yes," I admitted.
"Consistently?" he queried admiringly.
"Every hole," I confessed.