Computer Support Staff Jokes / Recent Jokes
Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.
Real users never use the Help key.
Real users never stop asking new options.
Real users never know what to do with new options.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.
Wind catches lily,
scattering petals to the ground.
Segmentation fault.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
File not found.
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
No keyboard present.
Press F1 to continue.
Zen more...
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
Computers are Like Women...
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
The Eager Beaver: "Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon. .. one of those new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know where there's one just down the hall. .. "
The Know-it-All: "Well, I could tell you how to do that. .. but I think I could recommend a better approach. .. "
The New Kid: "Do you have a dog?. .. My name? I'll have to get back to you on that."
The Psycho: "READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
The Counselor: "Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh. .. yes. .. and then what happened?. .. yes, I have plenty of time. .. oh, no, no problem, that's my job. .. "
The Intimidator: "Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know Section 5. 1. 2. 1. 1 of the IEEE spec?!"
The Veteran: "Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev 2. 00. 03 but they more...
To err is human; to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human.
To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.
A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.
A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and more...