Common Jokes / Recent Jokes

What does a blonde an a computer have in common?
You never appreciate either one until they go down on you.

Q. What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A. (Screaming) "I said. I'm drunk!"
Q. Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A. Because red means stop.
Q. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A. They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q. Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A. To put their feet through.
Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. Has that blonde gone yet?
A2. When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3. "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q. What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A. "Have another beer."
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A. You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A. You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q. What is the difference between more...

Common sense is not so common.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes, 1637
Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confusion creates jobs.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.

Q) what does a moped and a fat woman have in common?
A)they're good for a ride until your mates find out!

Q)what does a condom and kodak have in common?
A) they both capture the moment!

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...

what does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
Once their on their back their screwed!

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic ChurchVATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion. With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates."We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."Through the more...