Client Jokes / Recent Jokes
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares." said the client. The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares." The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client." "Great!" said the broker. The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!" The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph. D. brain costs $10, 000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15, 000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50, 000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
One afternoon a lawyer was talking to his client. The lawyer said to the man, "I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The client said, "I could use some good news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The good news is that your ex-wife is not making you pay on any inheritance you receive. And now the bad news - She is marrying your father."
George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying,' Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.
Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."
The little man says, "Fuck off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African King who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
The African man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No problem!! I have. I have."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in more...
A Sales Representative was sitting in the airport's VIP Lounge and Bill Gates was also there, sitting across the room.
The Sales Rep. noticed Gates, walked over to him and said, "Sir, I'm a Sales Representative and I'm waiting here to meet with one of my clients. This client is a very important one and I need to impress him at any cost to close the deal."
"What can I do to help you?" Gates asked.
"When I'm talking with my client, could you just come over, tap me on the shoulder and say, 'Hi, Ray'?" asked the Rep.
"Sure," Gates replied.
A few minutes later, the client arrived. The Sales Rep. and his client were talking when Gates walked over, tapped the Rep. on the shoulder and said, "Hi, Ray."
"Get lost, Gates! I'm in a meeting!" replied the Sales Rep.
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, its only $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares." said the client. The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares." The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10, 000 more shares said the client." "Great!" said the broker. The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!" The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."