Client Jokes / Recent Jokes

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50. 00."

A lawyer charged a man $500 for legal services. The man paid him with crisp new $100 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two bills had stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.
The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I'm saying?" said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. more...

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially
so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an
extra source of income.
The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed
her he would be at the side of the building if she had any
questions or problems.
A gentlemen pulled up shortly after and asked her how much
to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran
around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told
her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the
client at which he cried "That was too much!" He then
asked "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a
minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said "Ask for $40". The woman ran back and
informed the client.
He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove
his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing
the woman more...

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule. "Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months. "What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client. "Your right. It's mine."

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work," acidly snapped the attorney, "is five hundred dollars."The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. more...