Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes
First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?" Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"First soldier: "Whyever not?" Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost." The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?" To which the wife replies, more...
By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall's, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;split a large combination pizza with three friends;think Oreo cookies are for kids;nibble cashews one at a time;think that doughnuts are indigestible;read books they have to hold with both hands;become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio;lose their appetites when more...
I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I`ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I`ve found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:
avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;
split a large combination pizza with three friends;
think Oreo cookies are for kids;
nibble cashews one at a time;
think that doughnuts are indigestible;
read books they have to hold with both hands;
become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;
fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;
counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish;
exchange the deep-fryer more...
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling
entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
NATIONAL LOTTERY JET more...