Chocolate Jokes / Recent Jokes
CHOCOLATE By John Scalzi Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they are. I am vividly confronted with this fact every time my wife and I go out to a restaurant. When it gets to dessert, my wife usually orders the most chocolate-saturated dessert possible: It's the one called "Unstoppable Double-Fudge Chocolate Mudslide Explosion" or some such thing. I always wonder why anyone would want to eat anything that promises a catastrophic natural disaster in your mouth. The dark brown monstrosity arrives at the table, and my wife takes the first bite. Before the fork is even removed from her mouth, a small moan escapes her lips. Her eyes, previously perfectly aligned, first cross slightly and then faze completely, pupils dilating in pure chocolate pleasure before the eyelids clamp down in ecstasy. The hand not holding the fork clenches into a fist and starts pounding the table. The silverware rattles. After about six minutes of this, she finally manages to swallow more...
A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."
The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."
"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."
"You don't understand, sir," the girl says. "We have no chocolate."
"Then just give me some chocolate," he insists.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell' van,' as in' vanilla?'"
The man spells, "V A N."
"Now spell' straw,' as in' strawberry.'"
"OK. S-T-R-A-W."
"Now," the girl asked, "spell' stink,' as in chocolate."
The man hesitates, then confused, replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screams.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
The Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
The Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
The Devil said, "I think I know how I can get more...
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost."
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is more...
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"Wife says, "Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost."The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there?"To which the wife replies, "No, it's more...