Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Non-Stress DietThis diet is designed to help you cope with stress which normally builds up during the day.Breakfast1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
8 oz. Skim MilkLunch4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 cup Steamed Spinach
1 cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo CookieMid-Afternoon SnackRest of the Oreos in the package
2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped CreamDinnerLoaves of Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars Rules For This Diet1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and more...
At one time, margarine was illegal. While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license. It is illegal to kiss on a train. It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).La Crosse: It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. La Crosse: It is illegal to play checkers in public. La Crosse: You cannot "worry a squirrel." Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless more...
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone. . . cheese mine."
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."...I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants
to wash clothes on the last day of their life? -- Age 15Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -- Age 13Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. -- Age 10For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. -- Age 6Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number you could come up with! -- Age 6As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes more...
Knock KnockWhos there? Cheese! Cheese who? Cheese a jolly good fellow!
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go down threeinches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches I can eat him."There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh!" he thought, "If that fly goesdown three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will exposehimself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a properlunch."You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but Ican tell you there was more. A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes downthree inches... and that more...