Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter pounder with cheese.
1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese.
2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap.
3. Sing "I think your tractor's sexy"
4. If you're in a drive-through, say, "Man, I think you're ugly."
5. Keep changing your order for over an hour.
6. When you pull up to the window, try to make it look like your window won't go down.
7. Ask how much it would be to be in the restaurant while in the drive through.
8. Have a Chinese accent and order a soda but not a certain kind and say, "No, no Dr. Pepper he no certified doctor."
9. In the drive through say, "I'm holding Ronald McDonald hostage. For his release I want 3 big macs and a sonic toy."
10. If you're at a life insurance place, order a big mac.
Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza? A: Matzarello
The setting is a quiet and serene country stream weaving through the gentle hills of a grassy plain. All is quiet and still, and, lo, a small fly hovers a few inches above the quiet waters of the stream. Beneath the water floats a small fish. The fish thinks to itself, if that fly just drops two inches, I will be able to jump out of the water and catch it. Now, standing on the bank of the stream lurks a bear. The bear looks at the scene and thinks to itself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will jump out of the water to catch it, and I will be able to dash into the stream and snap up the fish in my mouth. Crouching nearby the stream, in the tall grass, waits a hunter. The hunter looks at the scene and thinks to himself, if that fly drops just two inches, then the fish will spring out of the water to catch it, then bear will dash out into the river, and I'll get a clear shot at the bear. Sitting at the entrance to its hole, is a small field mouse. Looking at the scene, more...
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign Saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He thinks that that is a lot of money so he decides to go see what's up.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Hey, how come these apples are 5 bucks each?" The farmer replies, "They are peanut butter and jelly apples." The farmer hands him one and says, "Here, try one." So the man takes a bite out of the apple and says, "Peanut butter - that's great, but I thought you said that they were peanut butter and jelly apples.
" The farmer tells the man to turn it around. The man bites the other side and exclaims "son of a gun - jelly!" The man says, "These apples are great - give me some."
He gets back in his car and drives a little further down the road and then sees another sign "Apples - $10 each." Again, he pulls over, goes to the farmer and says, "Hey, what's up with these apples?"
The more...
This guy called up his doctor late one night and said, "Doc, I've got a terrible problem. A mouse ran up my wife's cunt."
"I'll be right over," the doctor said, "In the meantime, get a piece of cheese and hold it next to her snatch - maybe the mouse will come out on its own."
A few minutes later, the doctor arrived, only to see the man holding a fish up to his wifes hole. He said, "I told you to hold a piece of cheese to get the mouse out."
The guy said, "I know, but I've got to get the cat out first."