Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:
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Cheese Sandwich: $
1. 50
Chicken Sandwich: $
2. 50
Hand Job: $
10. 00
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
“Yes? ” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you? ”
“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs? ”
“Yes, ” she purrs, “I am. ”
The man replies “Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich! ”
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the more...
Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says,' Daddy, I want a new apartment.'
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?' Dam'.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro more...
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "Thats not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "Thats not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone. . . cheese mine."
A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony).
He tells them, "O. K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words' cheese' and' liver' in a sentence."
So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."
The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asks the second guy.
He says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."
How are a blonde's legs like cheese wiz? They're both useless unless they're spread!
"Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?" - Asked of a waitress.
"Just the chicken." - The response a waitress gave when asked if there were any dairy products in a soup.
"Would you like cream and sugar with that?" - Asked by a waitress when a customer specified orange juice instead of coffee as part of a breakfast meal.
"Do you want cheese on that?" - Asked when a customer ordered a plain cheeseburger.
"You want fries with that?" - Asked when a customer ordered an apple turnover.
"Do you want onions on that?" - A waitress, in response to a couple ordering a milk shake and a large cola.
"Is there any meat in the veggie rolls?"
"Do you get rice with your fried rice?"
"I'm sorry, we only have six inch and foot long subs." - A waitress, when asked for a 12 inch sub.
"Would you like to care for a cup of coffee?" - A waitress.
"Which of these more...