Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do you call cheese thats not yours? A: Nacho cheese!

There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site.
it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said "if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge" the scotsman and irishman say the same
so the next day comes and the englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
the scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge and the irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
at the funeral the wives meet up and the englishmans wife says "i could of just made him another kind of sandwich" the scotsmans wife says i would of got another kind of cheese" the irishmans wife says i do not know why he jumped he made his own sandwiches.

Q. What did Stevie Wonder say about the cheese grater he got for Christmas?
A. It was the scariest book he had ever read!

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the
barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a
pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the
toastie, he then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and
a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of
beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and
then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been
laid on for the crowds of patrons more...

Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
A: Matzarello

There were three guys at a cafe, drinking their coffee - an American guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy. They see a really attractive waitress and comment on her good looks. They make a bet on who can get her to go out with them first. The waitress overhears them, so she goes up to them and says, "Hey, I heard you talking about me. Well, I like an intelligent guy, so let's see who can make the best sentence using the words' liver' and' cheese'." So the American guy goes, "That's easy. I love liver and I hate cheese." The waitress shakes her heard in disgust. The black guy goes, "Well, I hate liver and I love cheese." The waitress is like, "That is so stupid. That's essentially the same thing!" Then the Chinese guy steps up and puts his arm around the waitress' waist. "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

The caterer
The dutiful Jewish son is sitting at his father`s bedside. His father is near death.
Father: "Son."
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (weakly) "Son. That smell. Is your mother making my favourite cheese cake?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (even weaker) "Ah, if I could just have one more piece of your mum`s cheese cake. Would you get me a piece?"
Son: "OK, Dad."
(Son leaves and walks toward kitchen. After a while the son returns and sits down next to his father again.)
Father: "Is that you son?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: "Did you bring the cheese cake?"
Son: "No Dad."
Father: "Why? It`s my dying wish!"
Son: "Well Dad. Mom says the cake is for after the funeral."