Cheese Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they all sat down together.The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.The first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."

There was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake.A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches I'd get it!"A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I'd get it!"A hunter thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear"A mouse thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich!"A cat thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I'll get that mouse!"Suddenly it all happened, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water. The moral of this more...

There was a fly siting on a leaf and was very hot. He said to himself if i drop 3 inches i could cool off by the mist from the lake. There was a fish in the water that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches then i can eat it. There was a bear in the woods beside the lake that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches, the fish will jump out the water and i can eat it. There was a hunter that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches the fish will jump out the water and the bear will step out into the opening and i can shoot it and have a real meal instead of this cheese sandwich. Its almost over. There was a mouse that was below the hunter that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches then the fish will jump out the water, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and I can run off with the cheese sandwich. Last one. There was a cat that was behind the mouse that said to himself, if the fly drops three inches, the fish will jump out the water and eat it, the more...

There was a fly sitting on a leaf by the lake. The fly was feeling really hot and kept thinking to himself, "gosh... if I go down three inches... I will be able to feel the mist from the water."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him." And the fly knew it.
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and the fish grabs the fly... I can eat that fish."
There was a hunter on the bank of the lake getting ready to eat his sandwich thinking, "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs the fish... I can shoot that bear and have me a really good lunch."
There was a mouse by the hunter's foot thinking... "gosh... if that fly goes down three inches... and that fish grabs that fly... and that bear grabs that fish... the hunter will drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking more...

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand more...

A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stopsthem. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony. He tells them, "Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use thewords liver and cheese in a sentence." So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich forlunch." The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asksthe second guy. He says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

Q: What's Monica Lewinsky's favourite cheese?
A: President