Challenged Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviouslymuch better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a' gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club memberswere amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100." What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeingup for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his handbetween my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling' Gotcha!' Have you evertried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second' gotcha'?"

An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck. The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe. The Texas woodpecker challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully. The Alaskan woodpecker was confident that he could do it.
After flying to Texas and sucessfully pecking the tree in Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out why the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan woodpecker was able to peck the Texan tree, when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state.
After thinking for some time, they both came to the same conclusion: Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

New Official Politically Correct Terms for the 90's
OLD
NEW
conservative-reactionary
the establishment-white power elite
hearing person-temporarily aurally abled
sighted person-temporarily visually abled
blind-visually challenged
mute-vocally challenged
deaf-aurally challenged
dead-metabolically different
alive-temporarily metabolically abled
ugly-aesthetically challenged
fat-gravitationally challenged
heavy-set-people of mass
rude-politically correct
psychopath-socially misaligned
crooked-ethically challenged
klutzy-kinesthetically challenged
bald-follicularly challenged
short-differently statured
non-white, non-male oppressed-white melanin impoverished / genetically oppressive
white male-oppressor
black-african-american
asian-asian-american
afro-american-african-american
minority group-numerically challenged group; under-represented population
black-person of more...

Genetically discriminating - racistGeological correction - earthquakeGerontologically advanced - oldGovernment employee - stupidGrammatically challenged - one who has difficulties with grammar or (by extension) punctuation or spellingGravitationally challenged - fatHorizontally challenged - thinHorizontally gifted - fatIn denial - unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened in recovery - drunk/junkieIntellectually impaired - stupidLaw enforcement officer - policemanLiving impaired - deadMaintenance hole - man-holeMale gender biased - prefers men who shave their chestsMechanically challenged - broken down automobileMelanin-impoverished - whiteMetabolically challenged - deadMicroslothically challenged - windows userMonetarily challenged - poorMorally (ethically) challenged - a crookMorally handicapped - someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zoneMotivationally dispossessed - lazyMusically delayed - tone deafNasally disadvantaged - really big more...

THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment for those unable to handle even the most more...

A Mississippi woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Mississippi arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck.
The Mississippi woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mississippi woodpecker was in awe.
The Texas woodpecker then challenged the Mississippi woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully. After flying to Texas, the Mississippi woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Mississippi tree and the Mississippi woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion... Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.